Why all this discussion of 'Can and May'? According to the Christian liturgical calendar the season that is upon us is that of Lent. It is a season that lasts 40, arguably long days, beginning on Ash Wednesday and ending with Easter. Lent is a time when we enter into self-reflection, many people give something up, all this is done with the intention to grow deeper in relationship to God and remember the 40 day journey that Jesus underwent in the dessert. Lent is one of the most solemn times of the year. For those that are not Christian this time of year tends to take on a solemnity all its own as it feels that the gray dull days of Winter have dragged on long enough and we find ourselves urning for the refreshing colors of Spring. What I have encountered in this season has been the stark contrast between 'Can' and 'May'.
This time of year can become a somewhat self-centered time. I don't mean that in a particularly negative way but it is a time when we focus on our own needs, failings, achievements, hopes, desires. Many that give something up, or for that matter take something up find themselves adhering to the mantra, "I can, I can, I can do this". The underpinning proposition here is one of capability. We find ourselves having to dig deep and remind ourselves that we are capable of doing this. If 'can' has to do with capability what does 'may' have to do with?
'May' at its foundation is a matter of choice, sometimes our own sometimes another's. When we ask 'May I' it becomes the choice of another, when we are asked it is our choice. My issue lately has been in the conflating of the two. Where people have hidden choice behind capability.
I have discovered that there is no greater appeal that one can make to a fellow human being then that of shared humanity. When someone is in need of help I believe we are called to ask ourselves if we 'can ' help them, are we capable of helping them. Then we must ask ourselves the somewhat difficult question of whether we 'may' help them, whether we want to. 'I can' and 'I may' are two very different things. My experiences lately have show me that too often we disguise our choice to not help with the claim that we are not capable of helping. That frankly saddens and aggravates me. I am not saying that there are not moments when I do this myself but I think it is time we stop hiding behind 'I can't' and at least acknowledge that its really we just 'won't'.
Someday, tomorrow, next week, we could be that person that needed help, or the family, or friends of that person and we are going to wish, hope, pray, that the answer to our need is one of 'I can' rather than 'I won't'. Keep that in mind the next time you are needed.
Peace,
Amanda
