The end of beginnings

Well, year one of seminary has come to a close. My room is all packed up and is as empty and institutional as when I arrived. It is strange to feel as though I have too much time on my hands as I get ready to go back to Portland, seeing as how from the moment I arrived it has felt as though there is never enough time. It is as though there is a stop watch going and everyone here is racing to beat it.

There is a part of me that can't quite believe that I have already finished a year of seminary, while another part of me can't believe it has ONLY been a year. I have been thinking back to what I thought seminary and living on the East Coast in Princeton would be like, I can't say that it is what I expected and I can't say it isn't. I think we like to idealize things in the beginning. We come up with grandiose ideas of what living in a new place, learning new things and meeting new people will be like. Even when we try to claim we are being realistic in our expectations we often add a little extra shine more so than is really present.

If I have learned anything this year that would be it. We like to grab onto new things and think that magic will happen and when nothing miraculous happens we are disappointed. (Not saying that I am disappointed). Seminary is not magical and neither are the people you meet here. We are all human beings, we are all people searching for what it is that we are called to do, we are all succeeding and failing, standing tall and falling on our faces. I think that is what I have found most hilarious about this place, here we all are supposedly with strong faith convictions, determined to enact good in the world in the name of God and we can't even figure out how to be humble and serve one another. We sit around loving any chance possible to announce what professors we are friends with, what awards we have received, where we get to go over-seas, how many hungry people we have fed today, and how we plan to single handedly save the world, the whole time caring about only one person - ourselves. We compete to be on top not thinking at all about the five people we trampled to get there. Now I am not saying that all competition is a bad thing, I am a very competitive person. I do think there are mature ways to be competitive with out it becoming a completely self-serving activity. I don't think Jesus sat around at the local bar bragging about the number of people he healed or brought back from the dead, oh, thats right I think he maybe even told people to not talk about it.

So as my first year of seminary comes to a close what have I learned? I have learned that I am no more or less equipped to be in ministry than those around me. That Princeton is a two syllable word that people try to make sound much bigger. Specifically though I have learned that humility is essential, saying please, thank you and I'm sorry will get you farther than demanding you are right, and that all you can do is keep trying.

Blessings and peace,

Amanda